Episode 57 – Recovery After the Floods 

After a flood, many families will take time to recover. This will depend partly on the level of trauma a family suffered during the actual event, and how quickly life can return to normal after the event.

For people who had to evacuate their homes, those whose homes were destroyed, or those who lost significant possessions or family pets, the process will be longer. This also depends on the amount of recovery support available, whether the family suffers ongoing financial hardship, and how long and arduous the process of returning to normal life is.

Children look to parents and carers in times of crisis to know how they should behave and feel. It’s important to stay calm and model a healthy stress response (easier said than done!) to help your child feel secure and comforted. Self-care is vital during this time because you are unable to give to those around you if your own cup is empty. If you need help during this time, don’t be afraid to reach out and ask.

Children and young people function better when they have an understanding of what has happened, so encourage your child to ask questions or talk about the flood. Provide openings to get the conversation started, such as sharing your own feelings.

Children and young people don’t always talk about what’s going on inside, so check the list below to help you figure out if your child is anxious after the floods.

How do I tell if my child is worried?

A child’s reaction after a disaster depends on their age, developmental level, and previous exposure to disasters. Different coping styles also mean that kids react in different ways; some might withdraw, while others will experience angry outbursts, agitation or irritability. The following reactions are common after a natural disaster:

• Fear of being separated from family members
• Worry that something bad will happen to a caregiver or loved one
• Tantrums, outbursts, or meltdowns
• Strange physical ailments such as stomach aches or aches and pains
• Increased activity levels
• Loss of concentration or inability to pay attention
• Withdrawal from normal social interactions
• Worry over their safety or the safety of a family member or pet
• Falling school grades
• A persistent focus on the flood in play or conversation
• Loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities
• Appetite changes
• Regression to earlier behaviours such as baby talk or bedwetting
• Increase in risky teen behaviours, such as drinking or substance abuse, self-harm, or undertaking dangerous activities

What can I do to help my child?

Parental involvement in a child’s world is crucial to post-disaster recovery. Staying involved tells your child that they can trust you and depend on you to be there for them. Although it can be difficult to find time, it will pay off as your child learns to manage their emotions and anxiety in the recovery phase of a disaster.

Leaving yourself open to conversations is important as children try to process their experiences. You might find yourself answering the same question more than once; try to be patient. Clarify the question so you understand what’s behind it. Children need to know what’s happening in the family, with their school, and in the community. Keep it age-appropriate and don’t overwhelm them with too much information, but enough that they know what’s happening and can feel secure. Ask for opinions or ideas where appropriate to help your child feel involved.

Check out the following list of ideas for ways to help your child manage their anxiety during the recovery phase.

Tips for managing anxiety after the floods:

• Mealtimes and bedtime are good opportunities to talk. Prepare to turn off the TV or take a little extra time saying good night to give your child the chance to tell you what’s on their mind
• Young children will benefit from extra stories and physical touch to reassure them
• Try to model calm responses to stressful situations. Your child is watching you to know how they should behave under the same circumstances
• Remember that your ability to cope influences your child’s recovery, so it’s important to care for yourself as well
• Shield your child from excess exposure to the news or adult conversations that may trigger trauma memories or unnecessarily frighten a child
• Monitor media use, especially for older children who may have their own social media accounts. Set limits and be prepared to stand your ground for the sake of your child’s mental health
• Reassure your child that they are safe now, even if you have to do it repeatedly
• Spend extra time together, reading, playing games, or spending time in nature. Time spells love to a child, and love means feeling secure. Remember to tell them you love them often.
• If your family has lost a pet, pay attention to the grief process and mourn appropriately. Hold a memorial service or do something else to remember the life of your pet. Speak of the memories you have of your furry friend and let your child know that it’s OK to grieve and feel sad.
• Do your best to establish a routine to help your child feel secure. An example is brushing your teeth before bed. It might seem like a small thing, but it’s a familiar activity that helps a child feel safe.
• Reassure your child that friends or loved ones are being cared for even if there is no communication. Talk about the volunteers who are helping people.
• Do your best to stay healthy with adequate water, activity, and a good diet along with plenty of rest.
• Maintain regular mealtimes and bedtimes; knowing what to expect provides important structure that helps children to feel safe.
• Encourage children to help and continue to allocate small chores as part of daily life. Children feel better when they are doing something positive to help others.
• Think of ways to alleviate boredom if the disruption has put a stop to normal extracurricular activities such as sports or youth activities. Try board games, arts and crafts, or meeting up with other flood-affected friends instead.
• Avoid negative reactions to annoying or irritating behaviours such as clinginess, repeated questions about the floods, acting out flood play, or seeking reassurance. Just understand that your child is doing their best to cope and be patient.
• Maintain a positive mindset and speak of the future in hopeful terms. Encourage your child to see the good in the situations that you find yourselves in.
• Communicate with teachers about what to expect from your child and be prepared to spend extra time helping with homework if your child is experiencing a lack of concentration
• Get involved in community activities. While helping in the community is good for positive feelings, try to find some community activities unrelated to floods for a mental break. Storytime at the library, activities at the YMCA, or church or community youth groups are all good ways of connecting with others who might have been through similar experiences.

What if my child needs more help?

There is no one-size-fits-all solution to trauma, and some kids will need extra help to process their experiences. If your child is still struggling more than six weeks after the event, it might be time for extra help. Don’t be afraid to reach out or assume that others are more important than you are. Your story and experiences are as relevant as anyone else’s, and getting professional help may be the next step you need to take in your recovery.

If you would like to know more about how to help your child manage anxiety, head over to my website, https://www.lifeskills4kids.com.au/ for lots of helpful resources and handy tips.

Unless you refuse to partake of any form of media, it’s impossible to miss mentions of the war in Ukraine. The TV is constantly bombarding us with images of the conflict, and we see people just like us being forced to flee with their children and pets into a very uncertain future.

Kids see it, too. And it can cause or escalate anxiety, especially for children who are already prone to worrying. Fortunately, parents and carers can take steps to minimize the harm and equip kids with the skills they need to cope. 

Being real in a fake world

One of the scarce commodities of this world is the truth, and kids need authenticity more than ever. The tricky part is for parents to know when and how much of the truth to talk about, and to keep it age-appropriate without allowing their own fears or biases to come into the conversation. A young child only needs a broad or vague explanation, while a teen is more likely to want to discuss the details or what it means for them. Both conversations are the truth but are age-appropriate.

What if your child hasn’t said anything about the issue at all? It’s still a good idea to bring up the conversation because it sets the tone for the way your child sees the matter. You can provide trustworthy, reliable information that might be lacking from peers or other sources. 

Signs your child is struggling

Children don’t always tell us what’s on their minds, but it’s best to pay attention in case your child is anxious about the war but hasn’t verbalized their worries. Watch out for signs such as:

• Tearfulness
• Being clingy
• Withdrawal
• An increase in non-verbal behaviour
• More worries than usual
• Grumpiness or irritability

Tips for coping

1. Have the hard conversations

Don’t be afraid to start the conversation, especially if you feel that your child is suffering from anxiety over the war. At the same time, take care to keep your language neutral; in our desire for justice for the underdog, we sometimes dehumanize the offender. 

Instead, approach it from a big-picture view. For young children, you can explain that war happens when countries don’t get along, just the same as when people don’t get along. Rather than vilifying a certain country or the citizens of that country, point out that everyone thinks it’s unfair when a big person is unkind to a smaller one, and that’s what happens in war. Avoid talk of retaliation, and instead, focus on the positives that have come out of the situation, such as ordinary people being kind to each other. 

2. Keep it logical

When a child talks about their worries, teach them to examine how realistic those fears are. Help them to identify their worry, then look for evidence to support that worry (there’s every chance you won’t find any). Use logic to explain why their fears are unlikely to become reality. For example, if a child says they are worried about a bomb falling on their house, remind them that Australia is not at war and there are no bombs here. Don’t allow your own worries or biases to become part of the conversation and keep it factual. 

3. Apply context

The TV can make conflicts seem close, especially for young children. So it’s often helpful to put the issue into context by showing your child a map or world globe. You can point out the countries involved and then explain how far away the war is, and how Australia is not involved in the conflict. 

4. Avoid taking sides

It’s important to maintain our humanity during times of conflict. The citizens of the invading country are people too, and most just want to live in peace, but through the choices of their leaders, are forced into hardship and isolation. 

Kids naturally want to take the side of the underdog, but it’s important to maintain balance and remind them that we are all human, even those who make bad choices that harm others. Some children have a highly developed sense of justice and may want to retaliate, but it’s best to remind them that the best thing to do is allow the other countries to deal with the bullies of the world. 

5. Take action

Taking action is a great way of dealing with anxiety, and doing something positive helps everyone to feel better. You can do your part to help those suffering the effects of war by donating, fundraising, attending fundraiser events, or reaching out to any Ukrainian or Russian people who live nearby to offer your support. 

6. Set boundaries

Limiting your exposure to the news is a good way to give yourself and the whole family a mental rest from the worry of war. Likewise, you can limit social media time for yourself and your older children, and set times that are free of conversations about worrying events or issues. 

7. Talk about your feelings

It’s important to talk about your feelings, and if you’re willing to open up about how you feel, it will often open the way for your child to discuss their feelings, too. Big events produce big feelings such as anger, outrage, or sadness, and it’s important to acknowledge and normalize these responses. 

If you would like to know more about how to help your child manage anxiety, you can head over to my website, https://www.lifeskills4kids.com.au/ , where you will find many useful resources and handy tips and tools. 

Many children and adults are experiencing heightened worry and anxiety as our world faces wars and natural disasters, unlike anything we have seen in our lifetimes. Our TVs and newsfeeds are full of bad news and terrible things happening to ordinary people just like us. 

Worse still, there is nothing we can do to control the situations we find ourselves in. We cannot stop floods or armies, no matter how much we might want to. 

Staying sane when the world goes crazy

That leaves one option open to us. We must do what we can to manage our response to these things because it’s the only way we can stay mentally healthy in a crazy world. 

Children are especially vulnerable to anxiety and worry over the things that happen in the world. As parents and caregivers, we need to model healthy ways to manage anxiety as well as be aware of our own mental health needs. 

Check out the following tips for ways to help the whole family deal with the worry of living with events such as wars and floods. 

Managing anxiety over world events: tips for a stress-free life

1. Turn off the TV

While it’s good to be informed, the TV can be a constant source of bad news and worrying developments in the world. Too much exposure to the news can exacerbate depression and anxiety, so the best thing to do is limit TV time. 

Children are especially affected by the news, and the scenes from the TV can very quickly become real to young minds. Taking some time out from the news or limiting your child’s exposure to it is crucial if world events are causing your child to suffer from anxiety.                                                                        

2. Take action: do something to help

Contributing to a cause or doing something to help others is an excellent way to help your child refocus on something besides their worries. 

You might be able to get involved with fundraising for flood victims or help in more practical ways if you live in a flood-affected area. Even if it is just something simple such as providing bottles of water or food to volunteers, your efforts will be appreciated (and useful) and will help your child to feel better.  

You could get involved in a charity for the victims of war or one that supports refugees, or you could send messages of support to people who have been displaced by fighting. In the case of the war in Ukraine, you could try to find out if any Ukrainian people live in your area and reach out to offer your support. Sometimes a listening ear or some empathy is greatly appreciated by others and will help you and your child to feel that you have done something positive. 

3. Replace the news with something positive

If you still want to enjoy some TV time as a family, why not replace it with something positive? You could watch a documentary or find a good-news story about someone doing something good in the world. There are many stories of people who have done brave or heroic things in the face of great adversity so that they can make a difference. 

Laughter is also a wonderful way to feel good, so why not watch a funny movie together or read a humorous story aloud?

4. Get moving

Exercise is one of the best ways to manage anxiety. It stimulates the release of our feel-good hormones and helps to drive away the blues. 

Encourage your child to get outside and play, take the dog for a walk, or go for a bike ride together. Everyone will benefit from a positive mood boost. 

5. Do something together and provide a listening ear

Provide opportunities for your child to open up to you about the things that are worrying to them. One of the best ways to do this is to do something together, such as making something, playing a game, or going for a walk to the park. 

While you’re together, look for openings to start a conversation about what’s on your child’s mind. Make sure you take a neutral approach and don’t react negatively to anything your child says. When you provide a safe environment, it’s much easier for your child to open up about the things that are bothering them. 

6. Spend time in nature

Nature is wonderfully soothing and healing. When you’re outside in the fresh air and the birds are singing and you have trees or greenery around you, it’s a welcome break from the trouble in the world. Kids love to learn about the natural world, especially if you encourage an interest in it. Helping your child learn about nature is relaxing and fun and a great way to escape from the stress and problems we face. 

7. Limit social media exposure

Social media is another avenue of stress and anxiety, especially for older children who are more likely to have social media accounts of their own. 

You can set some rules about how much time they can spend on screens or particular sites, then be prepared to stand your ground if you meet with resistance. Replace screen time with family time, exercise, or have a book night where you each read aloud from your favourite book. There are plenty of ways to engage teenagers or older children in the real world, and all it takes is a little imagination and a willingness to stand firm on the boundaries you’ve set. 

What to do when a friend or loved one is in danger

Sometimes our worry and anxiety are entirely reasonable if a friend or loved one is in harm’s way. How do you manage anxiety when you might not have heard if a loved one has made it to safety? What can you do when you’re far away and cannot offer physical support?

1. Adopt a positive mindset

While we can never be certain that a loved one will come through a crisis without harm, having a positive mindset will do wonders for our own mental health and wellbeing. It can mean the difference between being able to cope and falling apart. 

2. Belief in a higher power

While not everyone believes in a higher power, for those that do, it can be helpful to lean on that belief in times of crisis. Prayer, meditation, or contemplation can be calming and soothing, and children often respond well to these methods of dealing with stress and anxiety. There are also child-specific meditations or “mind scenes” that make use of a child’s imagination to help them feel calm and relaxed.

3. Find a support group

When widespread disasters occur, many people are affected, so there’s every chance that you’re not alone in your concern for someone who’s living through it. Find a support group or start your own, where you will find others who are going through similar experiences and can share your feelings with people who understand. 

4. Seek counselling

When appropriate, seek counselling, especially if your loved one or friend has come to harm during a disaster and it’s affecting your own mental health. A professional will help you process the feelings and stress you are experiencing, a crucial step for coping.

If you would like to know more ways to support your child or other family members who suffer from anxiety, head over to my website, lifeskills4kids.com.au, where you will find lots of useful tips and helpful resources. 

As the COVID-19 pandemic drags on, we hear daily reports of death and illness as well as social and economic impacts, and the rules and restrictions associated with daily life.

But what few media outlets mention is the toll this is taking on the mental health and anxiety levels of children and young people. Coupled with the disruptions to schooling, social isolation, mask-wearing, home quarantine, and other infection control measures, children and young people are collateral damage, experiencing anxiety at a much greater level than before the pandemic.

Is the media to blame?

While we all like to stay informed about the world around us, research shows that too much media exposure around Covid can have a detrimental effect on children and adolescents. The daily news about the pandemic is more likely to cause anxiety and fear in children than adults, with researchers now saying that the prevalence of anxiety among children and youth has doubled since the pandemic began.

Home isolation has led to an increase in internet use, with its effects on mental health already well documented. Overexposure to the internet, too much gaming, and prolonged screen time result in higher anxiety levels, more depression, insomnia, an inability to deal effectively with stress, and overall lower quality of life.

Screen time and the young brain: When is it too much?

Young brains are constantly growing and forming neural connections as well as pruning those that are no longer needed. Children need a variety of experiences for balanced neural development, and when the virtual world replaces the real one, it’s the equivalent of feeding the body junk food and expecting it to be healthy.

Too much digital time stifles creativity and can interfere with sleep, along with an increase in anxiety levels. Children need to experience boredom at times because this is when imagination and innovation take over.

Teens who stay up gaming late at night are missing out on crucial REM sleep, vital for memory storage and processing of the day’s events. Gaming activates the brain’s reward system, resulting in an addictive rush of “pleasure chemicals” that make the participant feel good. Young brains don’t have the maturity to mentally override this experience, making it hard for a child or young person to say no or stop.

Physical activity is the best option to combat anxiety

Physical activity is the best way of combating Covid anxiety, according to researchers, who studied both overweight and obese children as well as those of healthy body weight. The researchers noticed reduced anxiety levels in both groups that correlated with an increase in physical activity.

Strategies for reducing media exposure

If you believe your child or young person is suffering from increased anxiety levels as a result of too much exposure to the news or the internet, here are some strategies you can try to achieve a better balance.

1. Replace the news with something uplifting

You don’t have to miss out on TV time altogether (although many families who do turn the TV off report more quality family time). Instead, you can find something inspirational or uplifting to watch.

This could be a documentary on something your family/child is interested in, a good news story about someone who’s making a difference in the world, or something that will make you laugh.

2. Set some boundaries around screen time

If you feel that your child or teen is spending too much time gaming or on the internet, it might be time for some boundaries. You will meet resistance, but it’s worth persisting!

Try strategies such as limiting internet use to certain hours a day, or only after doing some physical activity first. You can also make a rule that no devices are allowed in bedrooms or must only be used in an area of the house where you can keep an eye on what your child is doing.

It’s also a good idea to stop internet use at least two hours before bedtime so that young brains have time to adjust to the need for sleep (blue light from screens inhibits the production of melatonin, the sleep hormone).

3. Get active

There’s nothing like some physical activity outdoors to blow away the cobwebs and make you feel good, and it’s no different for kids. Go for a walk, bike ride or swim, or send the kids outside to play in the backyard. Don’t worry if they complain about being bored; boredom is good for their creativity and imagination.

Researchers recommend that adults get 150 minutes of moderately intense exercise per week, and children should have at least 105 minutes per week as long as they are spending time in active play.

4. Start conversations

It’s OK to talk about the things that bother kids and young people. If you happen to see something in the media about Covid, start a conversation. Ask your child or young person how they feel about it, or what they think might happen. Questions are the answers to knowing more about what’s going on in your child’s world and dialogue helps to keep your relationship open so that your child knows it’s all right to discuss their fears or worries with you.

5. Make news time quality family time instead

If you decide to turn off the news, make it family time instead. Start conversations about what happened during the day, play board games, watch a movie or listen to music together. Take advantage of the time away from the media to have some quality family time instead. In the future, no one will wish they’d watched the news, but you will form closer family relationships and good memories.

Reducing media time can be a good thing

Reducing media exposure can be a good thing for your child or your family. While you can remain informed about world events, it’s possible to maintain a healthy balance by knowing when it’s time for a break from the media, especially if your child has anxiety around Covid news.

For other anxiety tips and strategies, head over to my website where you’ll find lots of resources to help kids and families deal with anxiety.

Hidden anxiety among children is surprisingly high, undoubtedly because it often masquerades as something else. And without understanding what they’re dealing with, the adults in a child’s life are often not equipped to handle it in the best way for the child.

Anxiety arises when the amygdala, a small organ in the centre of the brain, sends out signals chemical signals intended to give a person extra speed or strength in times of danger. It puts the whole body on high alert as it goes into “flight, fight, or freeze” mode whenever it perceives a threat.

But anxiety doesn’t often wave a banner and announce its presence, especially in children. And unless a parent or carer knows what to look for, what is essentially a cry for help may go unrecognised.

So, what does hidden anxiety look like? (It’s important to remember that each child is different and anxiety patterns are not uniform).

Explosive outbursts

These occur seemingly out of the blue and are even more surprising because they usually happen to a normally calm child. Renowned social scientist Brene Brown terms it ‘chandeliering’ because the person explodes so profoundly that they go through the chandelier!

Explosive outbursts or flying off the handle occurs when a child has been pushing down their feelings of anxiety over time until one day, it all comes rushing out. It might be triggered by something seemingly insignificant, but the underlying cause is suppressed anxiety that suddenly has to escape.

Anger & defiance

Anger and defiance are close relatives of the explosive outburst. Anger is also caused by the amygdala releasing chemicals intended to help us survive a threatening experience. Anger is a misplaced attempt to protect ourselves from harm.

Anger can take various forms, from sulky or sullen teen behaviour to tantrums, but its primary purpose is to protect us from danger.

Defiance is related to anger, but its purpose has a subtle difference. When anxiety is making a child feel helpless or out of control, sometimes they will try to gain some control in another area. Therefore, when a child is feeling anxious about having to go to school and feels helpless to control the situation, they might try to gain control in another area. This shows up as defiance about something unrelated, such as not wanting to wear certain clothes or refusing to have their hair done.

Sleeping difficulties

Anxiety and poor sleep create a cycle that’s hard to break. Anxious thoughts keep kids awake, while sleep deprivation can increase anxiety. Kids can stay awake worrying about oversleeping or being tired at school, which further contributes to the cycle.

Poor focus

Sometimes children become so lost in their worrying thoughts that they don’t pay adequate attention to the world around them. Sometimes adults speak and the child doesn’t appear to hear, but it doesn’t mean they are deliberately ignoring a parent or teacher. However, if the adult doesn’t

recognise the real cause of the child’s inattention, they may respond inappropriately or misinterpret the child’s actions.

Negative thoughts

Kids with anxiety tend to experience more negative thoughts than positive ones. It’s easier to go with negative thoughts and attitudes, and it can appear that the child is battling the blues all the time.

As adults, we can recognize this as anxiety, and help kids develop the skills to pinpoint negative self-talk and turn it around to be positive. This is a learned skill, and many kids will not pick up this skill without help.

Avoidance tactics

Most of us know what it feels like to want to avoid a task or situation because we simply don’t want to do it or participate, but for kids with anxiety, avoidance can become a major issue. Avoidance tactics can include taking action to avoid a task or situation, or not doing what they need to.

This often creates a cycle as the child spends time and energy avoiding the task or situation, only to still have to face it, which creates more anxiety, especially if they are now behind on a job, chore, or homework.

Overthinking

Overthinking and overplanning are close relations of defiance, as both have a need for control at their core.

But instead of trying to gain some control over a situation through defiance, an overthinking child will try to plan for every possible eventuality. This can sound like endless questions about what will happen, who might be there, and when a parent is going to pick them up.

Trying to prepare for every possibility is the child’s way of trying to take control over a situation when in reality, there is very little they can do to control it.

Recognise the problem, meet the need

By recognising anxiety as the hidden cause of the behaviour, parents, carers and teachers can take action to help a child deal with anxiety. The unwanted behaviour is just a symptom of a deeper problem.

Technology anxiety is real amongst children and young people who face returning to the classroom after time spent in home learning during the lockdowns.

During this time, most children have been learning online or through an increased amount of screen time rather than face-to-face. For children with anxiety or worries about the problems in the world, this has often been less stressful than engaging in activities in the real world.

But what about when they return to face-to-face learning? And what is technology anxiety, anyway?

Fear of being separated from technology

Technology anxiety or digital anxiety can occur in a couple of different ways. It can be caused by separation from a digital device, or it can be caused by fear of technology.

In kids with technology anxiety, it occurs when they are separated from a favourite device.

Just as a stuffed toy or blanket might provide a sense of comfort and security for young children, digital devices can help an older child or young person feel secure.

But at what cost?

The negative effects of technology on mental health

According to the International Journal of Mental Health and Addiction, attachment to technology can lead to low levels of self-motivation, emotional intelligence, and empathy among young people. It is also a factor in ADHD, depression, and the inability to form stable friendships.

Mental health concerns in the digital age have only increased during a pandemic when children are spending far more time in front of screens than they have in the past, and hospitals in Canada have reported a 100% increase in mental health admissions for young people as a direct result of the pandemic.

Signs of technology addiction

Technology anxiety is often related to technology addiction and parents and carers can often spot the signs when they know what to look for:

· A lack of interest in other activities, even things the child used to enjoy in the past

· A single-minded focus that claims all of their attention when they are using their devices

· Tantrums, aggression, meltdowns or bad behaviour when unable to access their devices

· Constant discussion of screen time and things they have seen or done online

· Withdrawal symptoms including distress or anxiety that are relieved once they can again access their devices

Screen time and anxiety: Returning to the classroom may be a trigger

As lockdowns in some parts of the world begin to lift, children are facing anxiety over returning to the classroom and leaving behind the perceived safety of home and favourite devices.

So what can parents do to help their kids manage their technology-related anxiety during these transition times?

How to help reduce anxiety and screen time?

It’s important to note that changes you make need to be gradual rather than all at once. Gradual changes will help kids to adjust over time rather than sudden changes which may increase anxiety. Check out these tips for managing anxiety and reducing screen time.

1. Set boundaries

If you haven’t put boundaries in place, it’s a good time to set some. They could include daily screen time limits or no-go zones (such as the bedroom or bathroom) with digital devices.

2. Create a list of priorities

Make a hierarchy of priorities when it comes to screen time. These are things that must be done before screen time happens, such as chores or music practice.

3. Segment screen time into priorities

Set a limit on individual screen time in favour of communal screen time where other members of the family are interacting. Communal screen time takes priority over individual screen time.

4. Adjust the content rather than restricting usage

Rather than placing strict time limits on screen use, you can allow educational content to take priority over games or entertainment.

5. Replace screen time with together time

Children and even teens crave connection and togetherness, even if they won’t admit it. Find some fun things to do with your kids. Get outdoors and plant a garden together. Go for a walk or a swim or a visit to a park. Volunteer at a charity or get involved in a sport you’ve always wanted to try.

Kids will remember the meaningful things you did together, not the hours they spent on their screens, so don’t be afraid to persist if they grumble at first. Whatever you do, stick at it until it becomes a regular part of your routine and in time, kids won’t even notice that it has taken the place of time they used to spend on their devices.

6. Be ready to listen & quick to offer encouragement

Kids will often use screen time as an escape from the real world and also as a way to validate their self-worth. Games with awards and trophies are popular, as are endless selfies and “likes” on social channels. The reward centre of the brain is gratified by these things, but when they don’t work out, it can be devastating.

A listening ear and encouragement from someone in the real world are so important for grounding and validation. Be ready to listen without judgment and quick to offer encouragement and praise for jobs well done.

7. Model good habits yourself

Kids see what we do and follow our example. If you want your kids to spend time getting outside or getting fit, lead the way. If you want to spend more time interacting as a family at dinner time, turn off the TV or put your phone aside and ask everyone else to do the same. They are small things, but by showing a good example, you can help your kids to see the beneficial alternatives to screen time.

Small changes make a big difference for kids with technology anxiety

It’s the small things that make the biggest difference. By making small changes over time, you’ll help your kids to become less dependent on technology and more resilient in a world that demands we pay a lot of attention to technology.

School anxiety after home learning is to be expected. For many students, it has been a long time since they were last in a classroom, and with the uncertainty of lockdowns and the world in general, many children and young people have anxiety about returning to the classroom.

This can be especially worrying for children whose siblings may be starting on a different date as schools stagger the return to school.

So, what does school anxiety look like, and how can you help your child to manage it?

Sometimes labelled as school refusal

Children who cannot face school because of their anxiety issues are sometimes labelled as school refusers, which is not helpful and doesn’t address the root cause of the problem. Authorities may also place pressure on parents to force kids to attend school, which adds to their stress and anxiety.

But blame and an authoritarian approach are not the best solutions to this problem. We’ll get to that. Let’s just take a moment to consider what school anxiety looks like.

• Internalising, becoming withdrawn
• Distress over normal events or morning chores
• Meltdowns
• Easily distracted, can’t focus
• Tearfulness
• Freezing at the door
• Quiet
• Mystery aches and pains
• Holding it together at school but negative behaviour at home
• Disruptive or destructive behaviour in the classroom
• Hiding
• Refusal to attend school no matter what

In the case of a student whose siblings are starting on a different date after a long period of home learning, school anxiety can be even worse, especially if they usually go to school together or see each other throughout the day. The student at school may feel more alone or vulnerable than usual, while the one still at home may have a lot of worries and fears for the sibling at school and for their own return to school on their allocated date.

So, how can parents ease the transition to school when students may be starting at different times?

Tips to help kids manage school anxiety when start dates are different

When one child is resuming face-to-face learning and others are still at home, it can be daunting and create anxiety. Try these tips to help with school anxiety and their worries around different starting dates.

Visual reminders of starting dates

Many families find it helpful to keep a calendar of the start dates for school or other important dates. You can have a calendar for the whole family to use and a separate one for each child. When your child starts to feel anxious about what’s going to happen, you can remind them to look at the calendar. Teach them to do this as a way of managing their anxiety.

Timetables

Another handy tool for anxious children left at home is knowing the timetable of a sibling who has returned to school. When they start to get anxious or worried about the sibling, you can show them the timetable and talk about what their sibling might be doing at that moment.

Focus on the known

Children often focus on the fear that the unknown brings. Will things still be the same at school? Will the classroom look the same? Will they still have the same desk and chair?

Rather than worrying about the unknown, help your child to focus on the things they do know. Look at the calendar with the start date on it and talk about returning to school on that date. Talk about the teacher if you’re sure it will be the same person. Help your child to remember the school routine, such as class time and playtime. Remind them that lots of the things that were familiar at school will be the same.

Look for the positives

Rather than getting caught in a cycle of worry and fear, look for the positives in returning to school. There is always something positive in any situation, and many things to be thankful for when you look for them.

Encourage your child to think of the things that are good about school. Will they be seeing a special friend again? Do they enjoy playing at recess? Is there a subject they like, such as art or music?

Help your child focus on the good things about school and enjoy the benefits of positive feelings instead of stress and worry.

Provide noise alleviation

Sometimes excessive noise causes school anxiety, especially for children with autism or sensory processing disorder.

If noise is the reason a child is anxious, you can send them to school with ear protection to minimise the noise. It’s best to discuss this with the teachers first so they can help your child manage while you’re not there.

Make home a calming experience

When a child comes home after a long day of school experiences, it’s essential to help them relax. Spend some time out in nature together. Take the dog for a walk or do some gardening. Go for a bike ride or a swim to get their muscles moving. Play with a pet, or listen to calming music together.

Creating calming experiences will look different for each family, but it’s important to have something in place so that your child can relax after school.

Set clear expectations of school boundaries and routines

Talk about school expectations before classes resume. Remind your child of the school routine and discuss school boundaries, if appropriate. Each school will have different rules, for example, no throwing sand at other children in the sandpit. No hitting, no swearing, or whatever other rules apply.

A reminder of the rules can be helpful because sometimes children break the rules without thinking. They then fear getting into trouble, so setting clear expectations around rules and behaviour can help alleviate anxiety.

Play games for distraction

Sometimes distractions are just what you need to prevent anxiety-induced meltdowns or tearfulness. Play an “I Spy” game on the way to school, or pick out favourite local landmarks. Try an imagination game about who might live in an unusual house, or think of something quirky such as what the animals in the zoo might say when they see all the people. Use your imagination and have some fun.

Get moving

Movement is so important for mood and wellbeing, and doing it with your child can make you both feel good. Set aside a regular time to get moving. You could put on a dance DVD and do all the moves together, go for a walk outside in the fresh air, play at the park, or ride your bikes.

Provide a safe place for your child to unload their worries and fears

One of the most important things you can do it provide a safe space where your child can unload their worries and fears without judgment, criciticism, or blame. Encourage your child to talk about their day and the things that went well and the things that didn’t. Talk about how they might be able to do things differently next time (it helps to build resilience), and think of ways to solve problems they might be facing.

School anxiety doesn’t have to control your life

School anxiety might be crippling, but it doesn’t have to control your life or your child’s. Try some of the strategies above, be understanding and encouraging, and help your child to thrive in spite of the challenges.

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