Written By Deb Hopper, Occupational Therapist
Anxiety can show up in a myriad of ways and many children slip under the radar, go untreated, and are often misunderstood by their parents, teachers and peers.
Often children’s anxiety symptoms are misunderstood as “behavioural” issues. Being clingy, complaining, vigilant, or reacting or hitting peers on the playground can be labelled as purely behaviour related, when it can actually be driven by underlying anxiety.
It’s like the iceberg analogy where “behavioural” symptoms and associated commentary are what’s visible (the tip showing) and the anxiety is what’s hidden underneath the surface.
I work with children who are anxious for so many reasons:

• Anxious because of learning difficulties.
• Anxious because of physical awkwardness, clumsiness or disability.
• Anxious because of social anxiety.
• Anxious because of being unsure of transition anxiety in moving between home and school or class to class.
• Anxious because they need to be in control of their environment, but they can’t be… because we can’t control everything in life.

In many ways, anxiety has similar effects in adults and children alike but there are a few tell-tale phrases that can indicate your child is anxious.

1. “What’s wrong with me?”

Self-doubt and insecurity is OK in small amounts, but if it becomes habitual, small worries can grow into big ones. Yes, children need to be resilient and need regular, small challenges to continue to develop resilience, but keep watch for growing signs of other anxiety triggers that might make for more pronounced and longer term worries.
Encourage your child to believe in themselves, to celebrate their differences and love who they are. We are all different, we all have strengths and growth areas. Celebrate differences. As one of my therapy mum’s says, (and has tattooed on her arm) “Different, not less”.

2. “Please don’t make me” or “I don’t want to go to school”

Refusal to go to school can come from many reasons including difficulty with learning, difficulty with concentrating, difficulty with making friends, bullying, not knowing how to play, not knowing how to go up and say hi to a friend, or how to make new friends. Often by unpacking the reason why they don’t want to do something can give us clues about the strategy for what to do to help.
A whole team approach between parents, the school team and professionals involved can give the best outcome for a child who doesn’t want to go to school.

3. “I want to stay home” or “I don’t want to go”

Some children are extremely over whelmed with the sensory environment outside of home.
The noise, smells, tactile feel of seats or the touch demands of being at preschool can invoke severe anxiety in some children.  Some children prefer to stay in quiet, familiar environments because it is much safer for their sensory and nervous systems.
When some children are placed in an overwhelming environment they can develop negative sensory memories which are triggered by the thought of being there, or the recollection of being in that situation when they become close to the place.
For example, a child might become anxious and react negatively to a sensory memory when mum mentions that she needs to go to the shops, or when they are driving towards the shops. The sensory memory is the trigger for the environment.

4. “I don’t want to….. I’m tired”

Can you recall being so nervous or anxious before a talk, an exam or a job interview? Do you recall coming home absolutely exhausted that afternoon?
For your child at preschool or school, who has to deal with changes in routines, changes in teachers, noise, lots of people or other day to day yet stressful events, your child can become worn out because of anxiety.
Anxious thoughts can wear them down and also bring on sleep disturbance which in turn results in increased tiredness. Children often find it hard to get to sleep because they are thinking about the day, thinking what went wrong, thinking about how to solve what didn’t go well and worrying how they will tackle the day tomorrow.
Many children (and adults) become so fatigued that when they do have down time and the opportunity to be alone, they may revert to sleep to physically recover from the emotional fatigue that has been building up.

5. “You do it”, “I can’t” or “I don’t want to!”

A child who constantly has a low self-esteem, thinks he can’t do it, refuses to participate, withdraws from activities, and attempts to get others to act on their behalf, has many key signs of an anxious child.
We need to step back, be the detective, and look for clues for WHY your child feels they don’t want to give things a go. WHY are they withdrawing? WHY don’t they want to?

• Are they being bullied?
• Do they have low muscle tone that makes it hard for them to move?
• Do they feel uncoordinated compared to their peers?
• Do they not have the muscle strength to pull themselves up onto climbing equipment?
• Do they want to play and participate but they can’t?

Thinking outside the box is our job as parents and professionals. Don’t just assume that your child is lazy because they don’t want to participate. Be detectives with them. Ask about their day! Find out clues as to why they are worried. Once you have some clues, you can help to get an action plan together.

6. “I’m sorry”, “I’m sorry”, “I’m sorry”.

Anxious children (and adults) often apologise for things that aren’t real issues, and then they withdraw. It’s kind of a sign of a plea for help, a way to get attention for a short period. It can also be a sign that they aren’t confident and have low self image or low self esteem.
Encouraging children to be confident in their opinion, even in the small things is so important. I worked with a tween once who had such a low self image and anxiety that she couldn’t even say how she liked her eggs cooked.
Start with encouraging a child’s point of view in small things from day to day and confidence will grow in small but important steps.

7. “When are we going?”, “I want to go home”, or “I’ve got to get out of here”

Being out of your house which is your cocoon, your comfort zone, your safe place is not the first choice for fun when you are anxious.
For anxious kids, they might really want to go to that birthday party, play date or school dance. However, instead of enjoying their time, or finding something to do, they will often cling to parents or display negative behaviour or negative interactions with friends in order to get an adult’s attention and either get in trouble or make the experience so uncomfortable that they are asked to leave or want to leave.
Again the reasons for this might be social anxiety, too much noise or too many people and they are overwhelmed from a sensory perspective or just not having the social skills or co-ordination to know how to play without breaking up the game.

8. “Don’t leave”

Many children don’t feel comfortable with being left at a different place and prefer to be near a safe and trusted person. This is normal for younger children, but when a middle primary school child or teen doesn’t want to be dropped off at school or at a trusted friend’s house, warning bells might sound.

9. “Can you leave the light on for me at night?”

Many children prefer to have a night light on over night. However, if a child is finding it hard to get to sleep, or waking up terrified, needing to check door locks, or being terrified in their bed for hours, then perhaps they could use some support in dealing with their anxious and negative thoughts.
Movies, stories and conversations with peers can trigger this thinking, but it can stem from many other things throughout childhood.

10. “I feel sick” or hair pulling.

When anxiety strikes, it shows up in many different ways. Some are physically obvious, others are not.
Children struggling with anxiety may often complain of a sore tummy or feeling sick in the stomach. Some children will also fake sickness and do anything possible to prove to parents that they are truly sick and can’t go to school or can’t do something. I worked with one child who used to fake a temperature. They asked for a hot water bottle and then put the thermometer on the hot water bottle to prove they were too sick to go to school.
The gut is strongly connected to feelings and well-being, even as an adult, so a constant complaint of a “sore tummy” can be a sign of anxiety in your child.
Hair pulling or trichotillomania can affect some children so much that they create a bald spot on the crown of their head. Another child I worked with was so nervous and anxious that he pulled his hair to self calm and after a few months did have a bald spot on the crown of his head, a direct result of anxiety about school.

Signs of Anxiety in Children

For both adults and children, symptoms of anxiety can include:

• Avoiding new things
• Distressed by normal changes, breaks from routine, or taking risks
• Tendency to highlight the negative
• May ask many unnecessary questions
• Physical complaints – Feeling nauseous, panicked, or sick
• Perfectionist
• Difficulty sleeping
• Argumentative (but rarely aggressive)
• Very clingy outside of home or asking for reassurance
• Avoiding unfamiliar situations
• Fatigue
• Difficulty concentrating
• Poor memory
• Irritability
• Muscle tension
• Difficulty controlling the worry

Many children have anxiety that comes and goes, dependent on tests, social difficulties, friends moving away, joining a new school or other life events.

“However, when anxiety is constantly present and appears to be an irrational fear of familiar activities or situations, then it is no longer a coping mechanism but rather a disabling condition (National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH, n.d.).”

10 Ways To Help Your Child Manage Their Anxiety

1. Regular physical exercise. Movement feeds your limbic system and your kinesthesia receptors and releases happy hormones.
2. Encourage healthy eating – sugar or white foods can impact on moods immediately and for the following hours and days.
3. Communicate effectively with your child
4. Be aware of and remove or modify the sensory environment or sensory overload if needed
5. Minimise technology. Screen time is very stimulating and can impact on anxiety
6. Meditation, prayer, stretching or kids yoga help to slow down running minds
7. Prepare your child for events or actions known to trigger their anxiety
8. Establish routines. A safe routine and knowing what is coming up feels safer to children
9. Learn stress-management techniques eg breathing, stretching, kids yoga
10. Seek support. Ask you health care nurse, general practitioner, therapist or teacher.

For more tools and techniques that parents, teachers and therapists can use to help children with anxiety, check out my Parent Toolbox – A 4 part video series on how to help children manage and overcome their anxiety for a calmer and more confident life.

Written By Deb Hopper, Occupational Therapist
Do you struggle in supporting emotional well being at home for your ASD child?
As parents, we all want our kids to be happy, well adjusted and enjoying life.
Kids with ASD respond to using visuals to understand routines, transitions and expectations of them.  In the school environment, ASD kids are likely to find themselves able to make more sense of their world when they use visual timetables and visual cues.
At home, we can take a leaf out of the school book and use similar visuals to help our ASD child thrive in the home environment too.
ASD kids struggle with understanding:

• How they feel
• How others feel
• How to interpret the signals of how others feel

Let’s take a look at how visuals can help us take a massive step towards supporting emotional well being at home.

Supporting Emotional Well Being At Home

1. School Strategies which can help you

• Ask for help from your child’s teacher to find out what visuals are used in the classroom.
• Your child will have a team of professionals to support them at school.  You can discuss with them which visual programs are being used.
• Examples include: Boardmaker pictures, communication boards, visual timetable symbols, social stories.
• It will really help your ASD child if they have consistency with the same visuals being used at home and at school.
• Also check whether the school uses black & white or colour visuals with your child – again consistency is the key.
• If you have any home support for your child, for example, a speech therapist, they will be delighted to set up and show you how to use visuals to their fullest potential.

Using Visuals At Home

Here are some examples of strategies which are available for you to use at home.
1. Emotions thermometer

• An image of a thermometer can be a useful tool to encourage a child to “measure” their emotions.
• A low temperature means your child is happy. As it gets higher, then your child is becoming more anxious and unhappy.

2. Fast, slow, just right visual model, eg, SticKids

• Stickids provides a system of planners and pictures to make a visual timetable for your child.
• The program includes frameworks for supporting emotional well being at home.
• More information is available at SticKids.

5. High, just right, low visual model, eg The Alert Program

• The Alert Program uses this quote: “If your body is like a car engine, sometimes it runs on high, sometimes it runs on low, and sometimes it runs just right!”
• This program focuses on what sort of emotional state your child is in.

6. Zones of regulation program

• Zones of regulation is a framework to support emotional well being.
• There are four zones:
• Red is very upset eg terror, rage, anger
• Yellow is upset eg anxiety, frustration
• Green is calm, where emotional well being is good.
• Blue is low eg sad, sick, tired

7. Just Right Kids Model which combines fast, slow, just right

• The Just Right Kids Technique has been developed through over 17 years of experience.
• It takes the best bits from some of the above examples and combines them.
• Just Right Kids provides a way for you and your child to learn about their emotional well being.

How Can The Just Right Kids Technique Help You & Your Family?

We all want our family life to be happy, relaxed and working well as a team.  It can be a struggle for kids at both school and home to feel like they are OK and coping with the daily demands of life.
In supporting emotional well being at home, we allow our kids to thrive in a world that they would otherwise struggle to understand.
It is important for an ASD kid to have a framework around which they can work out their emotions and deal with them with success.

What Is the Just Right Kids Technique?

Just Right Kids has six areas to understand.   Once children get to grips with these six, you can use the Just Right Kids Technique to practice with them to manage their emotions.  In time, this will help lessen meltdowns and tantrums.

The Six Areas of Just Right Kids

1. When my body is going fast

• Our bodies are going fast when we are excited, happy, have lots of energy.
• This can cause a level of alertness that is too high to sit down (and this may cause us to get into trouble!)
• Our thinking can be unclear and it is difficult to concentrate.

2. When my body is going tired / slow

• We might find it hard to get up in the morning.
• We might be lethargic and going too slow all day.
• We can be under responsive and perceived as being “lazy”.

3. When my body is angry

• I feel stressed out and on high alert.
• I can’t control my body, I am reacting to an event and might feel hard done by.

4. When my body is in meltdown or tantrum mode

• I am in overwhelm and my senses are frazzled.
• I might be in the meltdown zone.
• I might be in the tantrum zone and I’m trying to take back some control.
• This zone could quickly disintegrate into the sad or angry zone.

5. When my body is sad / slow

• I feel sad, curl up or have a cry.
• I might be recovering from a meltdown.
• I might be tired or sad.

6. When I am a ‘just right’ kid

• When I am feeling ‘just right’ I feel safe, happy and emotionally okay.
• I have the right attitude to life.
• I can concentrate, listen and understand what is happening around me.

The goal of the Just Right Kids Technique is that your child is just right for most of the time.
When you are supporting emotional well being at home, remember to find out what visual strategies school are using and use them to help your ASD kid at home too.
Remember also, that it can take time and patience to put successful strategies in place, keep in mind the long-term goal of having all of your family (including you!) in a good place.

Written by Deb Hopper, Occupational Therapist
Are you a professional who is teaching kids with autism?  Are you struggling to teach them about emotions and self-regulation?
At LifeSkills4Kids, we have experience of teaching kids with autism and our aim is to share our strategies to help you, as a professional, achieve the most with every one of the autistic kids that you teach.

Introduction

Children with autism struggle to understand:

1. How they feel
2. How others feel
3. How to interpret visual cues of how others feel

Teaching Kids With Autism

As a professional, teaching kids with autism can be a challenge.  We all acknowledge that the children we teach are unique individuals. As facilitators, we want to teach each and every one of them how to achieve to their fullest potential possible.

Visual Supports For Teaching Kids With Autism

There are a variety of visual cues that can help when teaching kids with autism.  A visual cue can help the young person to make sense of their routine and provide boundaries and security.  When autistic kids are cued into an activity, it is often much more successful.
For further reading, have a look at our article on visuals in schools.

Examples of Visuals To Help Teach Self-Regulation & Emotions

1. Boardmaker pictures

• The practitioner can use a variety of programs to make up simple (and more complicated) communication boards.
• If part of your professional team includes a Speech and Language Therapist (SaLT), this person would be the ideal expert to learn about and experiment with communication boards.
• As part of a multi-disciplinary team, it is important to agree on which program you use.  Consistency for the child is very important and ideally, the same visual boards will be used in all settings.
• For example, some practitioners believe that symbols should be in colour, others believe that symbols are less busy if they are in black & white.
• Once you have decided on the symbols program to use, you can build this into a child’s education.
• Visual symbols can be used with groups or individuals.

2. Social Stories

• A Social Story can provide a framework of information for children with autism.
• The child can use a Social Story to find out what might happen in a specific situation and also provide some guidelines of what behaviour could be acceptable in this situation.
• By increasing the structure in the young person’s life, a reduction in anxiety is often noticed.
• Social Stories can be very helpful in allowing kids with autism to self-regulate.

3. Emotions thermometer

• An image of a thermometer can be a useful tool to encourage a child to “measure” their emotions.
• If the temperature is quite low, then the child is happy and more relaxed.
• An increase in temperature shows that the child is becoming more anxious and less happy.

4. Fast, slow, just right visual model, eg, SticKids

• Stickids provides a system of planners and Stickids pictures to develop and create a visual timetable for the young person.
• The program includes frameworks to promote self-regulation and self-modulation.
• Stickids also provides a “Critter” meter and effect icons which give you an indication as to what the activity will do for the child. (This splits into fast, slow or just right).

5. High, just right, low visual model, eg The Alert Program

• The Alert Program uses this quote: “If your body is like a car engine, sometimes it runs on high, sometimes it runs on low, and sometimes it runs just right!”
• This program focuses on the “state” an individual is in and what the optimum states are for various activities.
• For example, we want to be in a low state to fall asleep at night.  At work or school finding the sweet spot of being optimally alert is ideal.  An example of high state could be in the audience of a sports game when your favourite team has just scored.

6. Zones of regulation program

• Zones of regulation is a framework to foster self-regulation and control.
• There are four zones:
• Red is an extremely heightened state eg terror, rage, anger
• Yellow is still heightened eg anxiety, frustration
• Green is a calm state, where optimal learning occurs.
• Blue is a low state eg sad, sick, tired

7. Just Right Kids Model which combines fast, slow, just right

• The Just Right Kids Technique is the product of 17 years of learning from children & adults.
• It stands on the shoulders of some of the above programs.
• It incorporates fast, slow, just right and teaches children interactively to learn these concepts.

Why Should You Use The Just Right Kids Self-Regulating Technique?

As professionals, we all want to work with kids to help them be happy, comfortable and content in their lives.  It can be a struggle for kids at both school and home to feel like they are OK and coping with the daily demands of life.
It is by providing strategies and techniques that we can enable our wonderful young people to become successful and happy.
When we help kids put the pieces of the puzzle together, they have a pathway to move along.  By understanding the nervous system, children can be easily taught to understand their emotions and the basis for concentration.  This is a crucial lifeskill to enable all kids to thrive in their world.

What Is the Just Right Kids Technique?

There are six main concepts that we need to teach children for this technique of being aware of their emotions and for self-regulation. Once children understand the basics of these six areas, we can use the Just Right Kids Technique to practice self-regulation of activity levels and their emotional states, leading to better self-control and less meltdowns and tantrums.

The Six Areas of Self-Regulation

1. When my body is going fast

• Our bodies are going fast when we are excited, happy, have lots of energy.
• This can cause a level of alertness that is too high to sit down (and this may cause us to get into trouble!)
• Our thinking can be unclear and it is difficult to concentrate.

2. When my body is going tired / slow

• We might find it hard to get up in the morning.
• We might be lethargic and going too slow all day.
• We can be under responsive and perceived as being “lazy”.

3. When my body is angry

• I feel stressed out and on high alert.
• I can’t control my body, I am reacting to an event and might feel hard done by.

4. When my body is in meltdown or tantrum mode

• I am in overwhelm and my senses are frazzled.
• I might be in the meltdown zone.
• I might be in the tantrum zone and I’m trying to take back some control.
• This zone could quickly disintegrate into the sad or angry zone.

5. When my body is sad / slow

• I feel sad, curl up or have a cry.
• I might be recovering from a meltdown.
• I might be tired or sad.

6. When I am a ‘just right’ kid

• When I am feeling ‘just right’ I feel safe, happy and emotionally okay.
• I have the right attitude to life.
• I can concentrate, listen and understand what is happening around me.

The goal of the Just Right Kids Technique is that kids are just right for most of the time.  When we are teaching kids with autism to self-regulate we can use visual cues, symbols and planners to help them.

Written by Deb Hopper, Occupational Therapist

How To Recognise Your Child Is Anxious

We all want ‘Just Right Kids’.  We want our kids to be well-adjusted, happy, relaxed and enjoying their lives.  Kids can find life stressful and this article looks at the extent of anxiety that might be impacting your child’s happiness.

What Is ‘Normal’ Anxiety In Kids?

Fearful and anxious behaviour is common in children – especially as they come across new situations and experiences. Most children learn to cope with different fears and worries.
Everyone experiences anxiety as a response to stress from time to time, even children. Mild anxiety can help a young person cope with a difficult or challenging situation, such as taking an exam, by channeling that anxiety into positive behaviors, e.g., reviewing course material ahead of time in order to prepare for the exam.
To build resilience, we need to challenge children outside of their comfort zone, help them feel success in doing new things and repeat.
It cannot be underestimated though, the extent of anxiety that might be impacting your child’s happiness.

Common Anxieties Seen At Developmental Ages

7 month to toddler – fear of strangers, separation, loud noises, large machines such as vacuum cleaner or lawn mower, animals
Toddler to middle childhood  – fear of animals/insects, the dark, separation from parents, supernatural beings eg monsters, thunder/lightning, sleeping alone, ‘bad’ people.
Middle to late childhood  – supernatural beings, the dark, bodily injury, heights, getting lost or trapped, burglars, doctors/dentists, death and dying.
Late childhood to early adolescence  – fears revolve around social or evaluative situations, eg being teased, rejected by peers, being embarrassed, dating, giving verbal reports, taking tests, fear of dying or physical injury.

Ten Signs That The Extent of Anxiety That Might Be Impacting Your Child’s Happiness Is Becoming A Problem

These are definite signs that the extent of anxiety that might be impacting your child’s happiness is evident.
1. Avoiding new things –

• Even when safe or fun
• Finding it hard to try a new game at preschool or a new sport at school

2. Distressed by normal changes, breaks from routine, or taking risks –

• Finding it hard to take a different route to school or popping to the shops unexpectedly after school
• Creatures of habit

3. Tendency to highlight the negative –

• When worried about something, saying phrases like “it’s going to be an awful day”
• I never get picked for the cricket team
• Glass half empty responses

4. May ask many unnecessary questions and require constant reassurance –

• Mum, what’s happening today?
• Will you be there to pick me up?
• What are we doing tomorrow?
• How will I know that the bus driver will help me carry my instrument on the bus?

5. Physical complaints –

• Sore tummy, feeling sick – I feel sick.
• Feigning temperature – putting thermometer on a hot water bottle or under hot water to make it hotter.

6. Perfectionist – 

• Taking excessive time to do homework as they are trying to get correct
• Not wanting to write anything unless they know it’s right
• Not answering in class

7. Difficulty sleeping – 

• Taking a long time to get to sleep
• Or waking during night

8. Argumentative (but rarely aggressive)

• If trying to avoid a feared situation
• “What if? Why can’t we?”

9. Very clingy outside of home –

• Your 10 year old comes and hugs you and touches your breasts when you drop him off at school.

10. Avoid unfamiliar situations

General Symptoms

• Easily tired
• Difficulty concentrating or “mind going blank”
• Trouble sleeping, falling asleep, staying asleep
• Restless, on edge, talking fast or in high pitch
• Unexplained pain
• Irritable
• Muscle tension
• Excessive unexplained worry
• Difficulty managing the worry

Seven Categories of Anxiety

1. Learning Anxiety (repeated failure to engage or achieve expected learning objectives)

Think of a time when you made a comment in a class or a work meeting and you were put down or ridiculed.
As an adult we might be annoyed, frustrated, complain to our colleague or partner, but as adults we are quite resilient and we can move on.
Imagine this happening everyday.  Think of your child who may have learning difficulties, be clumsy in Gross Motor skills and have messy handwriting. They are trying their best, but they are being frustrated day after day after day.

2. Physical Anxiety (repeated stress caused by physical strain that occurs as a result of inaccessibility)

When children are unwell and in hospital for extended periods, they can become anxious about returning to school and home and wondering what their friends will think. Or, if your child is in a wheelchair, they will struggle to open doors and navigate around the school.  This can make them become anxious and withdrawn.

3. Sensory Anxiety (sensory overload that is beyond children’s ability to cope)

Sensory anxiety occurs when the sensory information in the environment is too much and it is beyond a child’s nervous system’s ability to cope.  It can put the body’s nervous system in the fight, flight, fright zone, where the brain becomes overwhelmed and all the body can do is to either shut down or react emotionally.
Sensory anxiety can impact on children’s lives significantly, and it is often misunderstood.  It can affect any of the Five Senses – auditory, touch, movement, smell, visual.

4. Social Anxiety (repeated failure or lack of opportunity to engage in or achieve a desired level of interaction)

Our kids have to work out how to talk to someone, know what to say, understand jokes from adults or children and learn socially acceptable behaviour as they are growing up.  This social interaction can be a minefield for any young person, especially one who may be socially anxious.
For example, there are many steps involved JUST to talk to a friend:

• Choose who to talk to
• Walk over
• Orientate body – face them, not too close, not too far away
• Smile, nod
• Look at them
• Say hello
• Wait for an answer
• Listen
• Keep focussed
• Listen and wait
• Take turns talking

Our young people can struggle with any (or all) of these steps, so it is easy to see how social anxiety can become a big problem for them.

5. Emotional Anxiety (repeated failure or lack of opportunity to express important emotions in a satisfying away)

Deb’s Just Right Kids Model

To help our kids be ‘Just Right Kids’, we have to help them understand how are they are feeling so that they can learn self-regulation of activity levels and of their emotional states.
Once they have learnt the Just Right Kids Techniques, they will be able to work on how to deal with their emotional anxiety and cope with it on a daily basis.

6. Transitional Anxiety (repeated change such that a stable state is never achieved)

This may occur if a child cannot cope with changes to their routine, or there is little or no routine in the child’s life.
There may appear to be a regular routine from an adult’s perspective, but if the child cannot process this information or cannot identify regular changes or the regular flow of tasks that create a routine, then from the child’s perspective, it appears that there is no routine, and life may feel hectic or out of control.

7.  Occupational Anxiety (repeated failure/repeated negative experiences which cause overwhelm, anxiety, worry and even trauma)

Occupational Anxiety can include any of the other six categories of anxiety.
It affects the young person’s ability to cope and can often lead to withdrawal from that activity or part of life or general non-participation across many life activities.

• The child’s ability to integrate his/her emotional experience is overwhelmed
• The child may feel emotionally, cognitively, and physically overwhelmed in doing what they need to do from day to day at home, school and in their community

Top 5 Tips To Help Kids With Anxiety

1. Understand what happens in a child’s body when worried or anxious

a. Fight, fright and flight response
b. Teach the child to understand how they feel
c. Teach the child to label and tell you how they feel

2. Support their nervous system

a. Muscle/proprioception (jumping on trampoline, wall pushups)
b. Deep touch pressure eg, massage, pizza game, rough and tumble play

3. Create a mental space

a. Stop, think, breathe

4. Get a plan together

a. Brainstorm with kids
b. Create a checklist – eg know how to go and talk to a friend, what to do, what to say
c. Use visuals to help communicate the plan.

5. Seek professional help

The extent of anxiety that might be impacting your child’s happiness can be far greater than we realise.  By having a greater understanding of the breadth of potential causes of anxiety in children, it can help us, as parents, to look out for signs of worry, anxiety or distress in our kids in many more situations.
The Just Right Kids Technique can help our kids cope with all the Categories of Anxiety that we have detailed above.
It enables us to be more alert and more available to encourage, assist and support our kids when necessary.

When Kids Play Too Rough

Written by Deb Hopper

Published in

 

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Learning to play and interact with other children or adults is one of the most complex skills that children learn. Play teaches children about developing physical skills and co-ordination, developing cognitive and thinking conception, solving problems and enhancing memory skills. It develops language skills through playing and interacting with other children and adults and it develops social skills including learning to cooperate, negotiate, taking turns and playing by the rules. These are not only important for conversing and playing at home but will also develop these skills at school when making friends and learning in the classroom.
However, some kids play too rough. This may be a general pattern of play which is disruptive to other siblings or family members most of the time, or it could be an irregular concern when they get frustrated or feel left out at school.
There are three main reasons why kids play too rough:
1. Difficulty with registering sensory information during play by not noticing or registering how heavy they are playing with toys or how firmly they are touching or bumping other children.
2. Not fully understanding the cognitive or thinking demands of play. This might include not understanding the rules of play or finding it hard to problem solve in the middle of play.
3. Not understanding social rules including turn taking, recognising minute cues of facial expressions and reactions and knowing how to change their actions quickly enough in play.
Children can learn how to play, ‘too light’, ‘just right’ or ‘too rough’.

Here are three strategies for teaching children how not to play too rough:

1. Help children to get a real physical sense, or a kinaesthetic experience of what it feels like to play OK or play too roughly.
To give them this experience, we need to take them through activities that show them what it feels like to be ‘too light’, ‘just right’ or ‘too rough’ in play.
This might look like:

• having an arm wrestle with your child, pretend wrestling with ‘floppy or weak’ arms and ‘really strong’ arms.
• colouring in ‘really softly’, ‘too heavily’ and just right.
• holding a pencil ‘too loosely’, ‘too tightly’ and just right.

We need to give children a sense ‘in their body’ of examples of what it looks and feels like to play too roughly.
2. Use a visual such as a traffic light system to give your child feedback that they are playing too rough.

• Green would mean that they are playing well.
• Yellow is the warning that play is getting a little rough and they need to be careful they don’t get too rough.
• Red is that play is too rough and that they need to slow and calm down, take a break and perhaps do something else.

Print out a picture of a traffic light, put it on your fridge or somewhere handy to look at and start using statements like, ‘your play is in the yellow warning zone, you need to play gentler’, or ‘your play is in the red zone you need to be less rough, or perhaps it’s time to stop and take a break’.
3. Write a social story about playing well and not too rough.
This can be short and simple such as:

‘I love to play with my little brother. We have lots of fun. Sometimes I get too excited and can touch him too heavily which might hurt him. This is not the best. If I touch him too firmly, I might be touching too hard, and mum might say I’m in the red zone. To play safely, I can take a break and come back later and play nicely in the green zone.’

Add some photos of your children or clip art of kids playing to illustrate the story. Write or print it out and staple it into a book to read at bed time to reinforce the best way of playing and not playing too roughly.
At times, we may feel at our wits end when children are playing too roughly. However, using a combined approach, through their body (touch and kinaesthetic senses) and through their cognitive understanding (external visual tools e.g. traffic light or social picture stories), you can really help children to learn to play without being too rough.

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Download your Printable PDF here: SUB 351-JUL When Kids Play Too Rough

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Deb Hopper… Occupational Therapist, author, workshop presenter. Deb is passionate about empowering parents and educators to understand the underlying reasons of why children struggle with behaviour, self-esteem and sensory processing difficulties. A practicing Occupational Therapist, she understands the daily struggles that children, parents and teachers face.
Deb is the co-author of the CD Sensory Songs for Tots, and author of Reducing Meltdowns and Improving Concentration: The Just Right Kids Technique. The Just Right Kids Technique Model can be downloaded at: http://www.lifeskills4kids.com.au/just-right-kids-model/
You can contact Deb on 02 6555 9877. She is available for clinic and phone/ Skype consultations.

Helping Hyperactive and Busy Kids

Written by Deb Hopper

Published in

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Every child has a different base energy level and this can be impacted from day to day depending on how much sleep they had, what is happening at home or school or if their routine has been disrupted and if they are feeling anxious or worried about things. But some children are generally much busier at home and/or school than other children and when this starts to impact on what they need to do, it may start to be a concern for their learning or behavior. Many children who are hyperactive and busy, often don’t understand what it feels like in their body to be calm, relaxed or slowed down.
Here are 5 top tips for helping hyperactive and busy children:
1. Reflect back to children how busy you think they might be. Using words such as ‘fast’, ‘slow’ or ‘just right’ might be helpful in children to understand that their bodies do change. Many children who might be labelled as hyperactive or ‘fast’, often don’t know what it ‘feels like’ to be relaxed, slow or chilled out.
2. Using a visual such as the ‘Just Right Kids Technique’ model can be very helpful for teaching children about how hyperactive, or ‘fast’ they are going. This model shown below has been used successfully with many children to help them to understand the difference between when they are going fast, slow or just right, as well as teasing out how they feel – their emotional
side. Ask them how they are feeling, get them to move the arrow to the right colour or area for how they are feeling. This helps to connect and reinforce to them how they are feeling and makes this learning quicker.
3. If your child is struggling with being able to sit and concentrate and listen in class or for homework, encourage them to be involved in some movement and resistance (muscle) activities before school or homework times. Jump on the trampoline, bounce on a ball, walk or ride to school are great movement activities.

4. To help ground a child before learning activities, try some muscle or resistance activities. Resistance activities might include wall or floor push ups, walking out over a ball, pushing their hands together before starting work, or chair push-ups sitting in their seat.
5. For busy and hyperactive children, using a combination of movement and muscle activities (body or sensory based) AND thinking/cognitive strategies (such as the Just Right Kids Technique model) gives them the most control over their thoughts.
In addition, getting them to write a plan of attack such as a list of what homework needs to be done, breaking it down into a small section for each day’s homework that week, or creating a mind map helps them develop a plan, engages their frontal lobe (thinking part) of the brain and engages them in goal directed action that can help them to override the underlying ‘hyperactivity’ or difficulty in concentration.
So, next time your child is struggling with concentration, get them to:
1. stop
2. think – how fast is my body going (and look at the model)
3. think – what can I do to help my body get in the ‘just right’ zone
4. think – what is the plan or the steps for the plan
5. OK – let’s do it!
For more information on helping hyperactive or busy kids, you can click here for more info.

 

 

By Deb Hopper
Published in The Great Health Guide

GreatHealthGuide.com.au

Help Your Child Excel and Learn in Class

Many children struggle in class and with learning. Whether identified or diagnosed with a learning disability or not, many typical children struggle with learning or even just being able to concentrate in class.
As parents, there are many ways that we can set our kids up for success for the classroom.

7 very useful tips for parents to help your child excel in the classroom

1. Be on the same page as your child’s teacher.
   If your child is struggling with learning, reading, writing or spelling, firstly talk to your teacher to see if they are concerned. They will be able to put your mind at rest or know who to refer you to for help. They can suggest modifications for homework or extra work. If you have some tips for how your child learns, don’t be afraid to tell your child’s teacher (and your teacher will be thankful for your input). Volunteering in class can be special for your child and can also give you an insiders’ view on how things are going in class.

2. Get assessments to know WHY learning is difficult.
   If your child is at risk of falling behind, don’t ‘wait and see’ for too long. Early intervention is the key for the best outcome for learning. Link in with your local health professionals and consult with your family doctor, Occupational Therapist, Speech Pathologist or Psychologist or Learning Difficulties Clinic. Understand which building blocks of learning your child is struggling with and help target with intervention and improve learning. Learning Online clinics can assist parents to know which building blocks are difficult for children and suggest strategies for overcoming difficulties.

3. Attention issues are highly linked to children with learning disabilities. If your child gets the ‘wiggles’ and struggles to sit still, focus or concentrate in class, it is important to help teach your child the difference between when our bodies are ‘fast’, ‘slow’ or ‘just right’. Use a diagram such as the Just Right Kids Model to help your child start to label and know when he is feeling different energy levels. The Just Right Kids Model available at this website is a great visual tool for encouraging children to tell you how ‘fast’, ‘slow’, ‘just right’ they are and what emotions they are feeling.

4. Teach your child to advocate for their sensory needs.
   Understand what helps your child to focus in class. If they need to move a lot, ask the teacher if your child can be allowed to help hand out classroom supplies or run a message to the office. There are many resources for helping children to concentrate in their seat. E.g. sitting on a cushion can help kids to get the wiggles out while sitting in class.
   If your child chews a lot (collars, hair, fingers etc.) they are using their mouth to self-regulate and concentrate. Don’t just tell them to stop! Give them options such as having a drink bottle (with pop-top or inside straw) on their desk; give them pencil toppers or a chewable necklace. Chewing always helps kids be more alert and actually helps calm kids who are going too fast!

5. Reduce screen time – especially in the morning.
   Using screen time may actually change the brain and how we are wired. Children who don’t have screen time before school are able to concentrate and learn easier. Replace screen time with play time. Active play is best, especially jumping in the trampoline. Active play organises the nervous system and fills it with grounding sensory input that sets the body up for being able to sit still and listen in class. See the previous article in Great Health Guide Magazine ^TM which offers some suggestions for reducing screen-time with children.
   

6. Read at home with your child and support their learning.
   Be interested in their learning. Sit and help with their homework when you can or have them sit at the table or breakfast bar while you cook dinner so they can ask you questions. You might have to think hard (sometimes those year 3 maths questions make you think!) but work with and support your child. Reading most nights with your young children is so important for creating a thirst for learning and exploring through books.
   

7. BE with your child.
   Children learn the best when they feel safe and secure. Enhance your child’s learning through having quality time with them. Sit on the floor and play a puzzle, jump on the trampoline with them, go on a ‘date’ with them. Make sure they know they are valued and loved.

If your child is struggling in class, make sure you start by:

• Having a chat with your child’s teacher and be on the same page.
• Getting professional help and assessment if concerns exist; get help early rather than waiting too long. Often there are waiting lists for services too. Take action and start.
• Enjoying learning time at home and build a strong relationship with your child so they feel loved and supported.

School can be such an adventure for children.

Deb Hopper is a practicing Occupational Therapist and an Amazon #1 Best Seller author for her book Reducing-Meltdowns and Improving-Concentration. She is passionate about helping children achieve their potential. As a practicing Occupational Therapist at the Life Skills 4 Kids Clinic on the NSW Mid North Coast, Australia, she understands the day to day struggles that children, parents and teachers face. For a sample chapter of her upcoming new book, join her newsletter or visit her website.

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5 Reasons Why Your Child May be Anxious (that no-one told you)

There is increasing evidence to support the relationship between sensory hypersensitivity and anxiety.  Sensory hypersensitivity or sensory defensiveness occurs when sensory information that normally is OK to bear is interpreted as being unpleasant or painful, and results in increased stress levels and behaviour that might be defensive.  What does this look like?  It might be children who don’t like walking on sand or grass, it might be kids who are overwhelmed by sounds. Children might be emotionally more up and down, or have meltdowns with little notice.
Also, if a child or adult receives too much sensory input for them to handle, the body can shut down its responses to other incoming sensory input. This can result in the person seeming low in mood, sad, depressed, or “shut off” and not interacting with others.
So, let’s look at some of our sensory systems and see what over-responsivity might look like.
Before we get started, let’s remember that when our bodies are over-responsive, normal sensory information that is usually able to be interpreted easily is too much and is overwhelming.

1.  Touch

Many children struggle to understand the connection between touch and the effect it has on their bodies. Touching things in their day-to-day play is hard for them and really impacts on their emotional state.  Simple things like having their shoes off for outside play, using glue, play doh or other fun sensory mediums may NOT be fun for them. The very opposite may be true. These play activities may be felt and interpreted as being ‘prickly’ or ‘overwhelming’ and can be very stressful. Children often avoid these activities, and if they are forced to participate, they can have a stress or anxiety induced reaction.  They may withdraw from the activity or they might sit there and cry—or they may react angrily or lash out.

2.  Movement

Movement is registered in our inner ear, and some children find it hard to tolerate even small amounts of movement. They prefer to have their feet firmly on the ground and resist going on swings or playground equipment. They might feel motion or car sickness quite easily.  When they experience movement, it can be too much for them to handle, leading to a stressed or anxious response.

3. Fussy and Problem Eaters

Many children find eating difficult. There are many reasons why eating can be hard and sometimes this is due to the touch receptors in their mouth not being able to tolerate different textures. Some children prefer crunchy foods, some prefer soft or mushy foods. Many children find it difficult to chew different textures together. Fussy and problem eaters develop a real sense of stress, anxiety and mental blocks in relation to eating. Professional help should be sought as soon as possible to help reduce these difficulties, as it can be extremely hard to change fussy eating patterns after years of stress response and anxiety linked to eating.

4. Hearing

Have you ever been at the New Year’s Eve fireworks and seen a child sitting happily watching the fireworks with ear muffs on?
Being over-responsive or oversensitive to noise can cause an emotional or stress reaction. Some children are good at being able to remove themselves from the source of the sound. Sometimes it’s not possible to move aware from the noise, like being in a shopping centre. When children can’t take control of their environment, meltdowns or shut down can occur. Many children might stop, sit, and cover their ears. It is all too much, and their body just can’t cope.

5. Seeing

The environments we need to move in or visit, including schools or preschools, are sensory rich environments. This is a part of the richness of life, but sometimes it is TOO MUCH for children’s sensory systems. Have you ever gone grocery shopping when you were dead tired? Have you walked down the aisles, mesmerised by the colours of the packaging in a daze? This is one way that some children are over awed every day in their classrooms. They are overwhelmed visually and it is difficult for them to focus on what they need to—copying from the board. It is very tiring as well!
Sensory processing is an important part of the puzzle that needs to be put together to understand why children may be anxious. It is not the whole puzzle, but it is often these pieces that are overlooked.  Sometimes they can be the key to seeing the true picture of why children are struggling.
The first step in helping kids with anxiety is understanding what is happening from a sensory processing perspective, and then working on the underlying sensory processing difficulties or dysfunction, if this is one of the puzzle pieces.

Another technique for helping kids to be aware and more mindful of their emotions is the Just Right Kids Technique. This technique uses language and a visual tool to help children understand if they are going too fast, too slow or just right. It also helps children use words to label their feelings.
Get the book Reducing Meltdowns and Improving Concentration: The Just Right Kids Technique by Deb Hopper.